Now, I'm gonna say something about my results.
Well, my final GPA was pretty bad. Got 2.676. Yes, that's low, I know.
Honestly, I really pin high hopes of getting in to my any 5 choices courses. But somehow, with much hopes in it, the same disappointment level you received. Didn't got into any courses in 5 of the polys. And I'm really totally lost after seeing the results. Like, really lost. Had tried to appeal, but, RP & NP rejected it. So i guess there's no hope for SP& NYP since RP rejected it.
At one point of time, I really break down. Really burst into tears, crying non-stop. Cried because of the results. Cried because of the disappointment. And cried because I've disappoint my sister and brother for so many times. Am really feel so guilty towards them. They have helped me alot, be it financial in studies or daily life expenses etc or school stuffs. I know they really hope me to get into poly after my ITE, and they kind of having a high hope on me, esp my brother, really wish me to do well in studies so that i can success in my future. But now, I got no school to get in to. People will say: 'Siyan, you can try private school'. But if I were to go to private school, then in the 1st place why should I waste my time in ITE?
Seriously, I really feels that I've wasted my 2 years. Somemore, I will feel more guilty if I go to private school. I know my Sister & Brother's financial ability. They really fork out alot to pay the house loan, helping my parents to pay off their debts, and as thier daily life expenses etc. With all this problems and thoughts, I really don't know what to do next. Really feel lost.
I always feel ashamed to answer when I was asked about my results and the poly I got into. But no choice, I have to answer it. Am really feel so envy those who got into polys and their good results.
Right now, am really feeling stress about the school stuffs etc. And brother has been 'forcing' me to get a job quickly and keep asking me to go study ACCA. He keep saying 'You never try and how you know it's hard to find/study? Very easy to find a Job de ma. And go try ACCA also wont die'. I really hate to hear all this like everyday when he's back home from work. Sometimes, I really feel like talking back to him and tell him that 'I'm not as smart as you. You're a fast learner, fast thinker and also the smartest among us. But have you really give a thought of me? I'm not as smart as you.I need time to learn, find job and think! Plus, the reason that I dont really want to study at ACCA is because it is very expensive and I have no confident to finish the full course, and I'm also scared that if i really cant cope and drop out half way through then all the course fees that you afford will be a waste. Plus, it is not easy to find jobs. For you, you can find it easily as youre really smart! But Im not. So give me a break from all this can?'
Till now. At least I'm facing the reality slowly. And planned at least something. We still have to move on to live. So why not face it, plan it and solve it.
And I guess this is my fate.
